Time heals nothing ….

It doesn’t….Time heals nothing…..It just teaches us how to deal with our pain.

Today would have been our 44th wedding anniversary…. that wasn’t to be. But I am thankful to God for the 36 years we were together. Whichever dimension Anita is in now, I am sure she is spreading her love and happiness. And that she is proud of me that I am doing the same. She taught me well.

Anita was not only beautiful and loving she was very talented. In fact she is the most talented person I ever met. She was a master in music (instrumental), she sang, she painted, she wrote, she had green fingers, she knew pottery and she was an actor…. plus plus …Whatever she started she became good at it. I am sure if she had started to blog she would have been very popular. Any body who met her even once didn’t forget her.

She used to teach painting and music in Delhi and used to have her own classes. We moved to Pune in 1993 for my job and she had to stop those classes. In Pune she learned pottery. And then my job took me to Mumbai and she started to act. She made more than 80 commercials and about 30 serials on TV in 6-7 years. And then she started to act in movies. Did 6-7 and then she fell sick. She was ready to leave all her work and look after my parents at Chandigarh, in North India. But that wasn’t to be. Who knows they are together in some other dimension now. And I remember them with all my love. Am blessed that I had parents like mine and a wife like Anita. And God willing we shall be together again at some other time, in some other dimension…

She had said to me once : Ashok when we grow old we aren’t going to fight, we are going to live like good friends and grow old gracefully πŸ˜ŠπŸ€— Who knows what would have our fate been if she was still around. So very often I think that the love that I feel in my heart for all, is her gift to me. She, like my mom, was just love.

Mother in Laws 😎

We have no clue about birth and death. From where do we come and where do we go. Why do we come and why do we go? Who knows !! But I do believe life is much bigger and more complex than we see on our small piece of rock.

But we are here. And let us do our best to make our lives worthy. Let us be happy and grateful. Let us be giving and caring. Let us be kind.

…..pain is a given … in this world of duality. No one can escape it. But we can help each other to lessen the pain…to make it bearable.

Pain is a given, yes. But suffering is our own creation. Many of us make our pains our suffering by the quality of the thoughts we bring to our pain.

I think being on the spiritual path helped us both. Otherwise the 5-6 years of the pain she went through and the 8 years since she passed on, would have been much more difficult to go through. Being spiritual, being godly doesn’t mean that we will be spared our pain; but it does help us to rise above the pain and the suffering. We start to look at life from a different perspective. We start to know the ephemeral nature of life and start to live more deeply. We become more mindful.

And slowly we start to understand Time. We start to live in the Now. This moment, the Now….the only reality. Past and future are mere mind constructs. Both aren’t real.

All our regrets come from living in the past and all our worries come from thinking about the future. Both aren’t real. But they make our present, the only reality, miserable.

Those weren’t easy years. Specially the last – 2011 (her disease was diagnosed in 2006) A bit of me died every day. Every day I left for work and kissed her bye …I knew one day it would be the last. And when I returned home in the evening it was even tougher. I didn’t know how she would be feeling and looking and didn’t want my face to betray my emotions and reactions. So I would brace myself before opening the door; bring a smile on my face and pray and then step in…

I can think of hundreds of things I could have done better for her and with her. But making myself miserable and unhappy thinking about the past and what could have been, neither helps me nor her. It would just make me miserable and I will make everyone around me the same.

But with His grace

I chose life

I chose love

I chose happiness

I chose giving

I chose caring

Thank God, my friend,

You are alive,

You can read and write;

Walk and talk.

Get up and get going.

Spread your cheer.

Let you light shine.

Tell people you love them.

Go and hug them.

This day is yours,

Live it.

Death is very real and

Life so fragile ….

…….TIME CONSUMES ALL

1984 at friends son’s birthday party
MGM Grand, Reno 1983 our first trip abroad
My favourite – on my parents 50th wedding anniversary in 1987. She was 31 and remained 31 for the next 25 years😍
Ooty 2006
Cape Town – she had gone for a commercial shoot.

Doing her last painting Munnar 2006
From a TV serial

175 thoughts on “Time heals nothing ….

Add yours

  1. I’m very happy to have found your blog, Ashok. You are more than forgiven for spelling my name wrong… Love and peace to you always β€οΈπŸ™

  2. Thank you so much for taking out the time to read the post Eilidh, and your kind words. I am touched 🌹
    Forgive me for spelling your name wrong earlier πŸ™

  3. I’m so very sorry for your loss. The way you remember Anita and honour her memory really do mean she lives on… and you are still together in some way. What a talented and beautiful soul… the painting of the white bird looks just lovely (and only one of her many talents). What a gift to the world that you can share your writing – and a part of Anita’s essence. Sending love and peace. xx

  4. Thank you, my friend, for sharing your life and thoughts with this reader! Thanks for directing me to this post. It predates the time our paths first crossed. God bless your soul!

  5. Such a beautiful post..full of positively and love..πŸ˜‡
    I am really moved how much love you have for her.
    And you are so brave and strong..I really respect you πŸ™
    Thank you so much for sharing the wisdom and your experiences..
    Your wife was really beautiful.
    Sad to know about your loss..
    But you are so full of life and positivity..I just loved it❀️
    Reading your post just made my day..πŸ˜‹
    Thanks again for sharing.
    Always be like this..and keep sharing happiness πŸ˜‡

  6. Once in true Love, forever in LoveπŸ˜πŸ€— belated happy anniversary my friend πŸ’

    Pray you meet your loved ones again, He’ll plot the perfect time..

  7. Thank you so much Katie. I am sure you will reach that peace. One day at a time. One step at a time. I shall pray for you πŸ€—πŸ™

  8. This is a very moving post, thank you for sharing your insights and memories. It’s true what you say about making the most of the present rather than regretting the past. I can sense your calm and peace and hope that I can reach that one day. Katie

  9. True Love.. brought tears in my eyes while reading this blog.. God bless u uncle and yes u will be together again at some other time, in some other dimension… True Love never dies!! says:

    True Love.. brought tears in my eyes while reading this blog.. God bless u uncle and yes u will be together again at some other time, in some other dimension… True Love never dies!!

  10. Read this post when someone shared it on their blog. Couldn’t agree more.. time doesn’t heal, it is we who have to find strength to continue to live!

  11. Ashok it is great tribute to Anita. she was really multi talented and beautiful lady. May her soul rest in peace and your love remains for her forever.

  12. A beautiful tribute to your precious wife, Ashok and such awesome pictures of her. She is always with you Soulfully and even your parents. You expressed your words so lovingly. Thanks for this wonderful share. Loved it.

  13. Thank you so much Richard. I appreciate it so much … your kind words and the effort you take in reading my posts. Have a joyous day 😊

  14. Ashok, you express the richness of the unconditional love you and Anita shared. I can feel your deep devotion to her in every word written in this post.

  15. Thank you so much Pam for your kind and warm words. Yes, love never dies and nothing else matters.
    Have a love filled life.

  16. Your love for your wife, your friend-for-life-and-ever-after, for this beautiful being, spreads from your words, from the blog/computer/virtual world to all of us fortunate enough to read them and to know and understand your pain and your wisdom. Love never dies. If nothing else, I believe that. And also, that nothing else matters but love.

  17. Thank you so much. She taught my love can be expressed only by service and I live that. And my mantra for life is NOW πŸ˜ŠπŸ€—

  18. Namaste mausa ji πŸ™
    Oorjaa this side
    Mausa ji seriously it was so amazing to relive all the moments of my beloved Neetu masie.
    She was a gem β™₯️
    Her smile was miraculous.β™₯️
    I just hope and pray that wherever she is she is in better place β™₯️
    May god bless you with good health and happiness mausa jiβ™₯️

  19. What a wonderful post man!!! This inspired me so much too. Thanks for this πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™I needed this especially when my results didn’t please me today πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

  20. Sorry Priya missed our replying to this : When you View the site/post you get to see the reblog tab alongside like etc

  21. Thank you so much Swapnal. Am sure auntie would have loved you so much too. Who knows she might come back in our lives through you πŸ˜ŠπŸ€—πŸ™

  22. The The The best blog ever Uncle…soooo heart touching… soooo deep….read wid tears in eyes and mixture of feelings in heart…felt like i have lived wid Anita aunty for years …she was just Beautttttiful…inside out…loved all pics…amazed wid her multi talented personality… would like to see her paintings if u can share…would like to know more in detail about her commercial ads and movies so that i can search on you tube to see her performance… really me too started to miss her wonderful soul…

    Yess wat an insight that time cant heal, it just teaches how to deal…this can come only wid self realization…

    U had not talked in detail wid me,about ur lovely relationship wid her, so i thought it was just like one of them,the routine couples…. but Nooooooo i was sooo wrong…after reading ur blog i realized it was and it is unique soul to soul journey… which cherished everyone coming in the way….

    I also enjoyed reading all others replies to blog..OMG soo many people commented…everyone felt intimately connected to the topic.

    Thanku for the wake up call as one of them said…u really tought me how to live life lively…☺

  23. Touching post Ashok ji! It must be a difficult phase of life for you….but she has left the gift of happy times together, for you. Love and cherished memories are forever. Take care!

  24. Hi Ashok! We are in Ooty today and with everyone still asleep,it was wonderful to enjoy the bliss of going through your wonderful piece in this calm serene surrounding. You know we all love you both but I must say it’s a little extra for Neetu , 😍 I love that photo of Neetu in Ooty: most beautiful flower surrounded by flowers……… Your blog has made me cherish all those wonderful moments spent with you guys….. Many thanks dear …..

  25. Thank you so much my friend, Macalder. Appreciate your kindness.
    Oh yes, the love in the heart doesn’t die …
    Wishing you a love filled life

  26. A very moving story, but the best part is that you express your feelings in a very sincere way. You do a well-deserved tribute to the great love of your life and, even if it’s gone, you keep its reflection in your heart. That is the real thing of love. It never ends if it is not with you. It’s beautiful the way you say it. My greetings.

  27. β—‡ If Silence is the Best Answer to A Fool then Don’t Talk to YourSelf; only The Real WILL!!! Get This

    …β—‡β—‡β—‡…

  28. My heart goes out to you – what a great price we pay for loving, but what hollow lives we live when we don’t love…

  29. SanFran is beautiful. I went from the west to the east. The desert has a beauty of its own but the state tree of Nevada is the telephone pole. And, I like trees! So now I have trees!

  30. Beautifully written blog Mr.Wahi and a true tribute to someone you love. It’s so inspiring and wonderful to know about your wife. God bless you.

  31. This is really a great tribute to a great woman! It’s not easy to face this unless someone reaches certain level of peace and acceptance, and you are right we should be grateful that we are alive and breathing
    May her soul rest in peace πŸ™πŸ» beautiful pictures as well
    Thank you so much Huguette.

  32. So touching Uncle .She was so beautiful and talented a rare combo..you both must be making the best couples..Both unique in own wsys

  33. Very touching and like Gautam has said ..thank you for the wake up call. My husband Ajay has not been keeping well for sometime now and I hv been so busy running to docs and being in and out of hospital that I had forgotten to live our moments together. We are in our 33rd Glorious year together….Thank you once again …from this moment I am going to with him instead of looking for answers on net or in spiritual books. Stay Blessed.
    Anita and your parents are happy wherever they are..I shall chant for them today.
    And thank you for this beautiful ,simple platform to share…

  34. Ashok, now you are making me cry! Cry for hopw she could leave us so soon, cry for the beautiful days spent we have spent, just chatting away. The very first time when she knocked at our door, I wondered ‘can anyone be this beautiful?’ after the pleasantries, she asked what I was doing… Then I asked what she does. She said she is an actor and works on TV serials. I said, ‘sorry I don’t watch TV’. I was embarrassed. She just brushed it away and said ‘you don’t have to’. When I stepped out to see her off, my neighbor peeps and says, ‘do you know she comes on TV every day?’ That is Anita… Loves you for what you are. Loved kids and lived a purposeful life. Miss you Anita…but now I have Ashok πŸ™‚

  35. You are a genius.
    Your life partner was a greater genius than you.
    Made for each other couple , lived life for 36 years and enjoyed each other’s love.
    Kudos to you both!

  36. A very poignant and touching blog Ashok.
    Consider yourself blessed to have had Anita as your soulmate.
    Totally concur that time is not a healer. It’s a great teacher. What we learn is that the pain we experience can be used as a tool for our evolutionary growth – make us more compassionate, more loving more humane. And that’s how you have evolved Ashok. Doff my hat to you. Lots of love.
    Ajay

  37. Thank you so much Priya. Oh yes, I am celebrating 😊 I celebrate every day of life.
    And of course you can reblog πŸ€—

  38. A very beautiful ode, sir.
    Anita ma’am indeed looks very pretty in these photos and no doubt she is multi talented. And yes, it is your 44th wedding anniversary, do celebrate it. So what if you both aren’t together physically, she is always there for you and you are always there for her.
    Memories with her are your priceless possessions that cannot be traded for anything. May you cherish those moments and keep happy and healthy.
    Regards.
    PS: May I have the permission to reblog this post?

  39. Dear Ashok,
    Beautiful thoughts for a partner gone by. Just as one does not forget many things ever, yes- time does not heel. Wishing much more strength to your thoughts.
    Jai Hind. Nassau,198/66.

  40. Dear Ashok,your blog comes as a jolt for those of us who don’t see the value of the present moment.The key as you said is in the Power of Now.
    God bless Anita and your parents – pure soul like them are granted eternal moksha and are in God’s company, freed from the cycle of life and rebirth.
    Thank you for the wake up call!

  41. Friends in grief πŸ€—
    We have a saying in India – Sorrow shared halves and Happiness shared doubles
    Love and hugs

  42. I was pondering what you said: That time doesn’t heal, when your response showed up on my post about grief. I was thinking how true it is that time helps us deal but it doesn’t necessarily heal the hurt of loss. You still feel the pain. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story about a beautiful woman of your heart. And for sharing your thoughts on grief and time. ❀️

  43. ON INTERACTIONS AND PSYCHODYNAMICS

    β™‘ Debate is Respectful Discussion that May Conclude with ‘We Agree-To-Disagree’
    ♧ Arguing is “I AM RIGHT; YOU ARE WRONG!!!” and may Conclude in Aggression, Assault and Murder
    β—‡ ARE You an Arguer or a Debater πŸ€” ?

    …so I Suggest please CHOOSE!!! Carefully; it’s Crystal Clear Clarity that Your Creative/Sporting/Business Practices Rely on How You CHOOSE!!! to Relate with Others…

    …♀♀♀…

  44. A beautiful tribute to a wonderful person. You were blessed to have spent 36 years with her and have lovely memories which is your most precious possession for the rest of your life .

  45. You Are Most Welcome SupaSoulBro; it’s a Pleasure to Serve, Stay Strong and Serene…I Am Therefore I THINK!!! Sum Ergo Cognito, I Am; We Are One Who Are Many rather than Many Who Are One, It Is Time for Appreciation of Darkness and Divinity Within Bringing Both Tolerance and Understanding of Psychological Healing and Evolutionary Growth EveryOne especially Rediscovering The Purity of Our Childlike State and Watching in Wonder as Our Sporting/Creative/Business Practices and Personal Relationships Flourish along with Our Refreshed Curiosity as We Innovate and Co-Create Together β™‘β™‘β™‘…

  46. Speechless… This touched the deepest core of my heart ..didi lived life so gracefully… Whatever she did.. Whenever she went… N so are you dear uncle… Just spreading love, love n love. Be happy always… Love n hugs.

  47. Sorry typing mistake
    Apki smile me mami ki smile ki jhalak dikhti hai…. πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™
    Love u Mamu.

  48. Apki smile me I am u just smile hidden hai mamu…
    Loved the way u loving ur life without her…. 😍😍

  49. One of your best. I read it with so much appreciation through the tears in my eyes. I will read it many times again. Anita is unforgettable, that I have experienced personally. God bless you.

  50. Thank you so much Sarah. Yes she was beautiful- inside out. And am sure you too are. Wishing you an equally love filled life πŸ€—

  51. Thank you so much my dear and you too keep spreading your Jyoti😊 And may God fill your life with such love too. I loved writing this blog ❀️❀️

  52. Thank you so much Clau. Yes, I loved writing this post. A big hug back to you. And may God fill your life too with such love. πŸ€—πŸ€—

  53. Thank you so much for these beautiful words my happy friend. Yes, I loved writing this post the most. Live, Love and Let Go 😊
    May God and Gurus fill your life too with such love πŸ’• πŸ™

  54. A lovely tribute to Anita. What a lively person she was. I would never forget time we spent together at Ranchi. Her smiling face has been permanently inscribed in my memory. We (me & Suman) met last time in Bombay. She had been suffering that time but welcomed us with same ever smiling face. God rest her in peace wherever she is & give you strength to face that void. Time cannot heal this pain.

  55. Certainly this is your most beautiful blog till date. Both of you are indeed blessed to have each other on this earthly sojourn and surely will be together in other dimensions as well. May God and Gurus keep showering their blessings on the lovely couple till eternity.

  56. ON 3DLIVING, FAULT FINDING AND BLAME

    β™‘ Forgiveness or Revenge
    ♧ Foolishness or Knowledge
    ♀ Wit and/or Wisdom

    …these ARE The Foundations of How We Live 3DLife; so I Suggest CHOOSE!!! Carefully or Perish in SOMB (Soul Observer Mind Body) that Rhymes with WOMB…what does Bad Behaviour Mean, what does Good Behaviour Mean; why do We DisAgree about Good and Bad πŸ€” ?:

    β™‘ Respect is having The Emotional Courage to Share Personal Darkness with Each Other in The Abscence of Judgement, Altercation, Argument and Any Other Conflict EveryOne; if I Recieved Money for Every Time I Have Been Blocked Because of THEIR!!! Rage, Fury and a Perceived Lack of My Respect for THEM!!! I Would Be Incredibly RICH!!! πŸ€‘ πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜„πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜€πŸ˜‰πŸ˜Š
    β™‘ Don’t Be Mean; yet what does Mean Mean πŸ€” ?
    β™‘ It’s Crystal Clear Clarity that Silence KILLS!!! People EveryOne; sure We ALL NEED!!! Linear Time Before Conversing; but to Suggest We Must Be Silenced πŸ€” ? I AM Keeping Quiet NOW!!! πŸ˜†πŸ˜…πŸ˜„πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜€πŸ˜‰πŸ˜Š

    …β™‘β™‘β™‘…

    …β—‡β—‡β—‡…

    …♧♧♧…

    …♀♀♀…

  57. Ahhh, what can i say??? Perhaps, your MOST loving post till date??? The love seems to be pouring out from the DEEPEST recesses of your soul – from each cell of yours!! Wow!! Just thank God that you had her for soooo many years!!

    We all know its a transient show..that NOTHING lasts forever..why not just enjoyy all the moments – good and bad, up and down – after all, this is God’s will and ONLY He knows whats BEST for us!!

    All the love in the Universe to you, my dear friend, philosopher and guide..may you ALWAYS be in Satchitananda!!! God and Gurus blessings ever be on you and your family!!

  58. One of the deepest and most beautiful writings you ever made so far. What a beautiful couple β™₯️β™₯️β™₯️ What a very talented an lovely wife Anita’s was. A big warm hug uncle ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Thank you for sharing such a lovely story πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ

  59. What a heart touching post. Rolled a tear while reading. You two look so good together and she is just beautiful. Nothing but love and respect for you❣, and keep spreading positivity.

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