It is my first attempt at fiction. I shall appreciate any suggestions and feedback π
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She was stunningly beautiful. In fact she was more than beautiful. She looked like an angel. She had childlike innocence and curiosity in her movement and her gaze. I was never so good at judging the age of ladies but would say she looked in her mid 20s.
I had gone through a smooth check in and security process at Mumbai International Airport. I was so excited. My first trip abroad! My company had chosen me to go for training to our international head quarters in New York. I was elated. I had thought I was still rather young for a senior management role, but God has always been very kind to me.
My thoughts were on what all I would be doing in NYC. I had taken leave for 10 days after my training course to be able to see NYC and Washington DC. I was always a voracious reader and already knew a lot about these cities. Looking at the big list of all I wanted to see and do I was wondering if 10 days would be enough!
I still had two hours for boarding and was wondering what shall I do. My eyes fell on Starbucks and decided to have a cup of tea. I was not sure whether I would get good cup of tea in my Delta Airlines flight. I love Darjeeling black leaf tea and it is not easily available. Starbucks offer Darjeeling Earl Grey and it is one of my favorites.
I settled down on a comfortable chair facing the shopping area. I love life and can spend hours looking at people. I am good at half closing my eyes and view people coming and going. It gives me the feeling of a reality show and everyone playing a role, including me!
I saw a mother trying to manage two energetic and excited children! A young man with earphones perched over a laptop. A young couple in animated discussion. A middle aged couple facing each other across a table and staring at each other with vacant looks; and I prayed for them. Something was not right in their lives at this moment. And then my gaze fell on this divinely beautiful girl, and time froze and so did my thoughts!
Angel Face was looking at the shelves in the store with the curiosity of a child. She had a round face and big light eyes. She was of average height and average build and looked like an angel. She was moving around slowly. There was no hurry in her movement or her gaze. She looked completely at peace with herself and the world around her.
I was wondering where is she from, as she did not look Indian. And I thought how nice it would be if she too was going to NYC and was in my flight! Yes there are lots of Indians with fair complexion and light eyes. Even I have been mistaken for a foreigner in my own country once in a while! Angel Face could have passed for an Indian girl from the hills but I didnβt think so.
All of a sudden I realized my tea had gone cold! I had got so absorbed in the thoughts of Angel Face that I had completely forgotten about my tea. Nobody in my family would have believed it. I love tea and it has to be real hot! I was wondering whether to get that cup heated again or buy another cup when I saw Angel face walking towards me. My heart started to pound. I am a rather shy person and often get tongue tied when introduced to a female for the first time. Luckily or unluckily she did not come to me and went on to sit on a bench nearby. There were already many passengers sitting around and Angel Face chose to sit next to a lady, who too was alone. That lady was a little older but they could have easily been taken for sisters. Both were fair with light eyes and round faces and of similar build.
By this time I had completely forgotten about NYC and what all I wanted to do there! The excitement of my first visit abroad was way less than seeing and thinking about Angel Face. I was in for yet another surprise! Angel Face took out a book from her bag to read and I was amazed to see it was the Autobiography of a Yogi. This book by Paramahansa Yogananda has had tremendous influence in my life. In fact I had grown up with this book lying all around our house. My parents were disciples of Yogananda and so am I.
All of a sudden I felt so connected to Angel Face and the whole situation started to feel very surreal – my unexpected selection for this training, Angel Face and the Autobiography of a Yogi. It all looked like a drama being played and I got a little scared. Is this all a dream? Am I really at the airport and on my way to NY? Is Angel Face really an angel? Am I being sucked into a drama I have no clue about?
Everything else in the crowded airport had ceased to exist. It was only Angel Face and the book and I. Angel Face closed the book and placed it between herself and the other lady. I thought they might talk now but they didnβt. They kept sitting in stillness with smiles on their faces, for what appeared to be ages!
I was in for yet another surprise! Angel Face got up and started to walk towards the boarding gates leaving the book on the seat. The other lady picked up the book casually and put it in her bag! One part of me wanted to go after Angel Face. Another part wanted to go to the lady who was still sitting there and ask her what was this all about. But I kept sitting as if glued to the chair ….
Thank you so much my friend. Yes, as and when I take up writing fiction I need to relook at the Tea part π
I was keen to write a book around this story but am doing a self help book just now.
Stay safe. Stay loved ππ€
Liked the observations of the narrator. His compassion comes through when prays for the elderly couple. There is too much of emphasis on the tea perhaps….but maybe the narrator will connect it to the story later. A very interesting read. Is there going to be a sequel?
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Thank you so much my love filled friend ππ€
Wow Ashok! You are an amazing storyteller! No surprise though. You have profound passion and appreciation for life and love. β€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈ
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My guess turned out to be correct. Looks like all the girls named Zoya will be beautiful.ππ
Yes she was πΉπ
Thank you very much for liking and complimenting my name. Then she must be beautiful.π
Thank you so much Zoya. Zoya is such a beautiful name. I had seen a Pakistani play on TV long back and the lead girl was Zoya ππ
Awesome β€οΈ Eagerly waiting for the nextπ
Thank you so much Juhi ππ€
Hello Uncle,
A very gripping story indeed…read it twice to see if I missed the ending… but no…it is yet to come. So waiting eagerly.
Well written…I liked d details ππ
Thank you so much Rageshree π
Thank you so much
Wait and see Nitin π
Actually I intend writing a novel
I enjoyed reading it:) Keep writingβ€οΈ
Goodπ next? π€ππ€£
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Yes and such a pleasant climate we are having right now. You too stay safe and take care πππ
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Thank you so much my friend π
Pune is under lockdown again for 10 days Kamal. After the cyclone like big spell in June it hasnβt rained much here but weather is pleasant. Mumbai always has more rains. Stay safe my friend
Thank you so much Manasa π
Youβre welcome.
It was such a good read. Loved it. Keep writing.
You are always welcome dear Ashok and of course you will have to but your story is going very nice. How is Pune. Here in Mumbai we have got great rains.
Woah! Very pretty:) Really impressive fiction. I stopped at a right fiction to read with:) Your writings and the way you describe is very well verse. I liked it alotttt π waiting for the next!
Thank you so much Kamal. You are always so kind but I think I need to work at myself a little more to write fiction π
Thank you so much Saniya. I intend writing a novel. But might finish the story here too π
Your story is awesome and it really captivated me, Ashok. Please go ahead and write you are a great writer. I loved the way you described Angel.
I enjoyed your post. And I am curious to know more about it.
Thank you so much Nilesh π
Thank you so much Lia. Appreciate this
Great read! Loved the writing
the last part was amazing… the passive passing of the book and ending like that… Wow!!!!
Thank you so much Eliya π I appreciate your taking out time and commenting
Thank you so much π
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The fact that it doesn’t feel like a first time and I am curious to know what happens next,shows how good you’ve written.
Please keep at it π
Very good, very detailed!! Keep Going!
Your welcome π€
Thank you so much my friend. You write so well and would love to get your feedback
Thank you so much Perth Girl. Am so glad and appreciate the time you have taken to comment. They sound good. Am looking for such feedback to be able to learn and grow π
Thank you once again
Sound s like a twin flame situation Ashok. Love the writing.
I enjoyed the read. It clearly hooked me to want to know more.
I am no editor but I can say that my interest dipped when you went into details about the tea and mentioning delta airlines flight was may be not a necessity. Those areas of the story can be tighter and shorter allowing details to be fleshed out in more interesting areas like the other bits.
When writing about the probability of her being from India or not can also be concised a bit( just my opinion, please do not take it the wrong way).
Wow. Thank you so much Lynette. Yes, that is the kind of feedback I was looking was
Thank you so much my friend
You seem to be off to a good start. Is Angel Face really an Angel? Thatβs the question that as a reader, Iβm asking.
Iβm not any kind of editor, but I would take out the references to how you like Darjeeling tea (unless this will play an important role in the story later on) and narrow my protagonistβs observant focus on Angel Face. Why is she an βangelβ face? Yes, sheβs beautiful, but why do her looks appeal so intensely? What is the protagonistβs back story that he would be so transported by her? I hope this is the type of feedback youβre looking for. π
I love the accurate descriptions. Very good first attempt at writing fiction π
Intend writing a book Lynette. Do you think it is a good idea
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Interesting to find out what happens next. π
Welcome Ashok π
Thank you so Sunith π
It was a good read..