There is no God

A few days back I had read a post by Sara, of Life is not an Immune, in which she was saying there is no God. If He was there He would have seen her pain, her suffering. I do understand from where she is coming, and my heart goes out to her. May God ease her pain and give her peace and understanding. And there are so many like her in pain all around. And I keep praying for all.

In my post – My First Love, I had talked of my love for the stars and the sky, and my awe and wonder at the humongous bigness of the universe. I was even more awed or completely bowled when, still in my youth, I learned that ours is an ever expanding universe. My question was : expanding into what? What was there before the universe occupied that space? Nobody could give me any satisfactory answer for decades.

As I matured and started to delve into metaphysics I began to get glimpses of truth. Our rational, thinking mind is too small to understand the infinitude of creation, of God. We can understand it intuitively only. No one can explain God. God can only be experienced.

I believe two opposing forces are continually at work in our universe. One is the attractive power of God, which is Love; and the other is Satan or Maya/Illusion or Iblis. Both these forces came into being at the same time, when creation happened. When the Big Bang happened about 15 billion years ago the outgoing force, the centrifugal force started to pull creation away from the center. That outgoing force is nothing but Satan and is the creation of the Creator only.

The other force is Love, which is pulling us back towards the center, God. And this is a centripetal force. All of creation is subjected to these two opposing forces. And all of us are at different radii from the center, the nucleus; which is nothing but pure love. The further we are from the center that much more restless and unhappy and unfulfilled we are. The closer we are to the center that much happier, peaceful and fulfilled we are.

Love is the cohesive power which is holding the universe together ๐Ÿ’•

Though God is Love, He runs His creation with Law, which is unerring. That is His play, His Lila or drama. And this Law is nothing but karma, cause-effect! Our own karma brings us pain at times and we start to disbelieve in His love. But He knows our pain and cries for us but canโ€™t help us till we help ourselves. That is the whole game of creation. Every pure act, every act of kindness and compassion brings us closer to the center, to peace and joy. Every impure act, every act of anger, jealousy, greed and hatred takes us away from the center. And we experience pain and restlessness and unhappiness. It is true, but most of the times it is difficult to understand from our limited perception of one limited life span.

And ultimately the whole of our life, happy or sad, is but a mere dream, a story ๐Ÿ˜‡ God is the only reality.

Whole of life is a dream, all of us are actors in the movie of our Creator. As real as any sculpture, any painting, any story; real in their own rights, but never as real as their creator!

God is Love. Love is God. Love is all there is ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’•

Copyright ยฉ 2021

Thank you so much for your continued love and support. I am indebted ๐Ÿ‘

Sometimes….

Sometimes I donโ€™t want the night to end…

I want to keep roaming in the starry night on the wings of the wind, astride grey and dark clouds!

Sometimes I want to step into the ocean and sink deep into its peace!

Sometimes I want Time to halt just awhile to let me catch up!!

Sometimes I want Time to pause and

Sometimes I want it to go back 4 decades and more!!

Sometimes I donโ€™t want my dreams to end and

Sometimes I donโ€™t want to come out of the stillness of my mind!!

Sometimes I wonder who is the one who is thinking, who am I!!

Sometimes I wonder whether I am living in acceptance and surrender or in denial?

Sometimes I wonder: if I myself am so lost how can I preach and how can I teach?

Sometimes I cry at the pain and the suffering all around, brought by the greed of a few powerful and the rich!!

Sometimes I want to walk away into the deep, dark night; away from all this……

And the day breaks

And I smile

And I think

God knows what He is doing!!

Surrender or denial

Does it really matter….

Copyright ยฉ 2020

All pics on my iPhone

Why Corona Why

Dear Corona,

Why have you come

Whence have you come

When would you go

Whither would you go

Are there other planets

And dimensions that you roam?

Corona, O mighty Corona

Do tell us all that you know!

O yee humans

I am a tiny little virus

What would I know

That you already donโ€™t!

Yet however small and however little

I am part of the One Big Whole!

I shall do my bit and leave

As others before me have

I know it and accept it

I donโ€™t have grand dreams!

But yee mighty humans

Who are blessed

With such INTELLECT and

CONSCIOUSNESS supreme

Why do you kill?

Oh why, humans, why

do you suppress

And subjugate

Your very own

Is there no end

To your greed?

Like me you too shall leave

You too shall have to go back

Like others before you

But you still donโ€™t learn

And you still donโ€™t see

That you too are a nothing

Just like me!

O humans, wake up

Wake up before you

Are smothered and vanquished

Just like me and the likes of me!

Kill me if you would

But donโ€™t hate me

For: Hate consumes the Hater

And not the one hated.

How many vaccines

Would you make

How many remedies

Would you use

Mightier viruses would come

And shall keep coming too

Till you learn …

Till you learn

To become more humane

Till you learn

To become more kind,

And till you learn

Oh yes, till you learn

To conquer your very own

INNER-SELVES!!

For I am not your enemy

It is within you

And it is your EGO

Which is MIGHTY BIG

And not the tiny me!!

Let go of your Ego

And let go of your Pride

Bow down with Humility

Then you shall learn

That there is no separation

We are all ONE – LOVE

๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

Some related posts :

https://ashokwahi.wordpress.com/2020/01/15/living-in-todays-world-beset-with-turmoil/

https://ashokwahi.wordpress.com/2019/06/18/hate-consumes-the-hater-%f0%9f%94%a5/

https://ashokwahi.wordpress.com/2019/06/01/fear-not-my-heart-%f0%9f%92%94/

https://ashokwahi.wordpress.com/2019/08/08/afraid-to-die/

Copyright ยฉ Ashok Wahi

Black lives matter

Black lives matter. And so do brown and yellow and yes, even white.

Every life matters – Of every cast, colour, culture and creed.

Muslim lives matter, Christian lives matter, and yes, even Hindu lives matter.

Lives of the poor matter as much as those of the rich.

Life of every animal, bird and insect matters.

EVERY LIFE MATTERS

But sadly there is discrimination all over the world and it has always been there. Only degree varies. And unfortunately we always find justification for our misdeeds.

The root cause of all this is: that have lost contact with our our own selves. We have lost sight of the inherent beauty of our souls. We have lost sight of our true nature. Going to the church, temple, synagogue or mosque every week is not the answer.

There is only one way out if we want to address this malady, and that is:

By raising our consciousness! To know that we are all ONE. Same consciousness connects us all and running through and sustaining us all.

We forget that when we hurt another, we are essentially hurting ourselves; for there is no separation!

We are all ONE CONSCIOUSNESS and we can raise it:

By becoming kinder,

By becoming more compassionate,

BY BECOMING LOVE

Fear to Faith – Part II: How to Live in these Times

Chapter XVI of Holy Geeta, describes 26 Qualities of the Soul. And the very first is:

Fearlessness: The foundation of spiritual life: having faith in God’s protection, justice, wisdom, mercy, love and omnipresence.

Bible – Job 3:25For the thing that I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me (English Standard Version)

Some days back I had come across a beautiful story about Lord Krishna (when he was young lad and his elder brother Balram)

The story goes like this: Krishna and Balram were walking through the forests to reach somewhere, when the night fell. The silver moon filtered through the leaves and the wind blew with all its might. They decided it was best to rest till the crack of the dawn. While one would sleep, the other would watch over for wild beasts; and they would take turns. Balram insisted that Krishna rest and he would play guard. Balram was smiling to himself as he watched krishna sleep when he suddenly heard a sound!

Startled, he looked around and saw a demon about his height watching him with hungry eyes. Balram was scared and with a quiver in his voice, he asked,

โ€œWho are you ?โ€

The demon laughed and said,

“I am the size of your Fear!โ€

As he was saying this, he started growing bigger. Indeed, Balram was petrified. The more afraid he was, the more the demon kept growing. The more the demon grew, the more panicked Balram became. The demon was now towering โ€“ almost three times Balramโ€™s size and he couldnโ€™t take it anymore. Screaming, โ€œKrishna!โ€ he fainted.

Krishna woke up and saw Balram next to him. Assuming he was asleep, and it was now his time to watch out, Krishna reached out for his flute and was about to start playing it, when he saw the demon. The demon watched him with hungry eyes. Krishna watched him without much interest. Unable to take such apathy, the demon said,

โ€œDonโ€™t you know who I am?โ€

Krishna said, nonchalantly, โ€œLooks like you are going to tell me, in any case!โ€ The demon said, โ€œI am the size of your fear!โ€ Krishna laughed. And the demon started to shrink! The more Krishna chuckled to himself, the tinier and tinier the demon became, until it was the size of a miniature doll. Krishna picked him up and put him in the bag to show Balram.

The next morning when Balram woke up, he told Krishna, โ€œKrishna, Krishna, thank God we are safe! You have no clue what happened to me last night while you were sleeping. A humongous demon came and told me he was the size of my fear!โ€

Krishna with a smile upon his lotus lips, removed the doll from his bag and asked, โ€œIs this the demon?โ€

Balram was confused and said, โ€œYes โ€“ it looks like him. But he was huge. How did he become so tiny!โ€

Krishna said, โ€œHe looked so huge because he was able to scare you. He was the size of your fear! I couldnโ€™t help but laugh when he tried to scare me, and he kept shrinking. He would have disappeared, but I wanted to show him to you โ€“ hence I have kept him!โ€

******

Just the way the room can not be dark and lit at the same time, Faith and Fear cannot co-exist They are the diametrically opposite view of our perceived reality.

The problem with most of us is that we have faith but there are specks of doubt. And our faith is strong when the going is good! It starts to waiver at the first encounter with suffering, at the mere thought of suffering for our near and dear ones!

Considering the current situation, we are facing โ€“ What we can do is:

1) Stop reading and seeing round the clock information/news. Every time we read a word it creates a molecular/cellular shift in our body. Audio and Videos create even more havoc. Awareness is a must โ€“ and this awareness can be gained from a reliable institute/Website. TV and Newspapers thrive on negativity. They lower our immunity.

2) Strengthen your immune system: With positive thoughts; with a relaxed mind, enough sleep, by being in sunshine, eating healthy food – whether it is fruits and juices, salads, veges, sprouts and nuts โ€“ build your immune system. And continue to do so๐Ÿ˜Š

Being with a loving and caring family and friends is the highest immune builder. Great time to get closer to them and to understand them and to help them.

3) Just the right time for your indoor hobbies and passions – Reading, Dancing, Music, Panting, Writing – all are wonderful ways to keep the mind in a state of peace and calm. Above all meditate. It keeps mind still and brings peace.

Introspect. It is a God sent opportunity to Pause and Reflect and to Pray; To make lifestyle changes.

4) Deepen your faith. Take common sense measures but have more faith. Meditation is the best way to deepen our faith.

5) Laugh : Above all don’t take life so seriously. It is just a Reality Show ๐Ÿ˜‡

Laughter is injurious to Disease ๐Ÿ˜‚

Affirm often : I and my family are Happy, Healthy and Whole. Our lives are filled with Love, Joy and Laughter. I wish the same for all.

The whole of our journey of life, my friend is: to move from Fear to Faith. The kind of faith a child has in his parents. When a child is walking, holding a parents hand, he has no care in the world. Whole of the world may be falling apart but the child walks on merrily. That is the kind of faith we need to have in our Heavenly Father and Divine Mother; whatever be your belief.

Fear to Faith Part I (Do read it if not done earlier. I think it will help you)

PS: I haven’t left home for more than a month now and our terrace faces east. I have been able to witness and experience some truly divine skies – mostly mornings but a few evenings too. Stillness speaks ๐Ÿ’•

I Feel Guilty

It may sound strange but I do feel guilty at times — I feel guilty for all the love, joy, friendship, care, health — all kind of abundance I have — when there is so much pain and suffering all around. God has always been so kind to me ๐Ÿ™

There is child abuse, spouse abuse, sickness, joblessness, all kinds of addictions, poverty and what not. There is no end to pain and suffering ๐Ÿ˜Œ There is so very little that I can do and it hurts.

Decades ago my father had gifted me biography of Helen Keller. And her saying: I am one person and I can’t do everything; but just because I can’t do everything doesn’t mean I will refuse to do what I can…. has been my guiding light for decades now.

I have learned to do my best for anyone and everyone that I can, and then let go. And in my meditations (During all SRF and YSS meditation we pray for others and world peace) and I pray for others– family, friends and world at large. Can I or we do anything more?

As I keep writing often : For me God is Love and Service is the active expression of Love. And my religion is Kindness and Compassion. And I also know that in our world of duality Pleasure and Pain coexist. But still there are times when I feel a little guilty of all that I have and see so much lack all around.

If I was given a boon: what is it that I would want different in my life than what I had; I would say – NOTHING. If I could go back all the way and re-live my life, I would want nothing different.

I was blessed to have divinely loving parents, loving and caring siblings, a beautiful and loving wife, loving and caring children, scores of good friends and relations, reasonably good health, enough of material comforts, a divine guru in Paramahansa Yogananda….no, I wouldn’t want anything different.

The only thing I would pray to have more of is – Wisdom. I would have liked to be wiser so that I could have been more appreciative of my good fortune when I was younger.

Even these past few months of being at home all the time have been so blessed. I can read, write and meditate all the time. I have no responsibilities. I am tempted to take credit for the decision to quit the corporate rat race long back in 1998 and the decision to leave Mumbai and move to Pune to be with children in 2014; but even these thoughts and decisions were His grace ๐Ÿ™

I hope and pray, my friend, that God gives you an equal or more abundant life.

Peace unto all ๐Ÿ™

Life is: A Tug of War

He is the center

And He is the core

And He is in

Our hearts.

The more we are away

From Him

More is our suffering

And more is the pain

But even this suffering

And also the pain

Are His gifts only

To bring us

Back home

Life is a Tug of War

A 24/7 struggle is always going on in our lives! We are tossed around like a wave in the sea or a straw in the wind! And looks like there is no escape! 

All of us are subjected to this tossing around because two opposing forces are continuously at work in our lives โ€” one is Centrifugal and the other Centripetal. One is throwing us out and the other is pulling us in!

One is Maya, the Delusion, Satan, or Worldly Attractions and Temptations: which are pulling us away from God, from Love, which is at the center, the core of our being! Maya is a tenacious foe because for lifetimes we have identified ourselves with the mortal body and mind. So long as we remain engrossed in their ceaseless reactivity to the drama of daily life, our energy and attention are kept hostage to outward circumstances โ€“ to the demanding pressures, the constant sensory stimulation, and the peace-disrupting information overload prevalent in this modern world. 

The other, His love and His magnetism are pulling us towards Him, towards the center. The further away we are from the center more is our suffering and restlessness. And the nearer we are to the center more is our joy and peace. All of us are His prodigal children and will eventually return to Him, to the center. 

Even if you arenโ€™t a believer or are an agnostic; you might be aware of the Big Bang theory, which says – that the universe began approximately 14 billion years ago as an unimaginably small, hot, and dense point (The Singularity) and rapidly expanded. The expansion of the Universe occurred at a very fast rate of speed; which was referred as a huge explosion.

That Singularity can be called God, Spirit, Universal Consciousness, Brahma, Allah or any name we choose to give it! 

(When I say God the reader is welcome to think of it with any name comfortable to him!)

It is humanly impossible to imagine the Force and the Power of this Big Bang, and its Intelligence! It is this Force, this Power which created the manifest universe; and it is this unimaginable force that created and sustains the unimaginable Infinitude of Creation! At the same time if it didnโ€™t have supreme intelligence the cosmos would have been extremely chaotic. But it is perfectly balanced, organized and harmonious! One can just look nature with awe, amazement and wonder!

So both these forces are working on us all the time. His love, our innate nature, is pulling us back to Him; and the worldly attractions, the Satan, is pulling us away from the center, away from God. 

The negative emotions, feelings and actions, which take us away from the center, are:

  • Anger
  • Greed 
  • Lust
  • Hate and
  • Envy

And the emotions, feelings and actions; that pull us towards the center are: 

  • Love
  • Joy
  • Compassion
  • Kindness and 
  • Selflessness

The closer we are to the center, more at peace we shall be; and further away we are from the center, more restless we shall be! 

This tug of war is constantly working in our lives! At times we are running towards the center and at times crawling. At times we are inching away from the center or running away. That is the cyclicity of life! That is His play! But the good thing is that His Love is all-powerful and shall always win in the end! In the mean time we keep enacting the karmic play in the Reality Show, in the Cocktail we call Life!

It is the cohesive power of God that keeps the earth together. It is the attraction and pull of His love that we exist. But for His grace we would have disintegrated long back!

Paramahansa Yogananda had said that if we could see God, His love and joy; all will run back to Him! But then the play, the show will lose meaning! Therefore He has veiled Himself with all the worldly attractions and sensuous pleasures. At the same time He has given us the intelligence and reason, and the power to tear away this veil and find our way back home!

God wants that we use our will power, initiative, and soul-inspired discrimination to banish from our consciousness the limiting thoughts, desires, and behaviors that eclipse our innate divinity and bliss.

Even a touch of that God-bliss can spiritualize us and enlarge our awareness of possibilities in whatever circumstances confront us. We can assess daily situations more even-mindedly, and be guided by calm reason and soul intuition rather than impulses of the ego and emotions. We are able to express more understanding and compassion to others, based not just on moral imperatives but on the deeper empathy one feels for oneโ€™s own.  

Bee and its Love!

There is a popular verse in ‘Sanskrit literatureโ€™, which relates a beeโ€™s story. The bee was sitting on a lotus flower, drinking its nectar. As the sun began setting, the petals of the flower began shutting. But the bee was so attached to enjoying the object of its senses that it refused to fly off. It thought, โ€œThere is still time for the flower to close. Let me suck some more nectar while I can.โ€ 

In the meantime, it became dark and the lotus flower closed, trapping the bee. It thought, โ€œNever mind! Let me remain inside my beloved flower for tonight. Tomorrow morning when its petals open again, I will fly away.โ€ 

โ€œA bee has the power to cut through wood. But look at the attachment to the sense objects that the bee which can cut through wood is stuck inside the soft petals of the lotus.โ€ In the meantime, an elephant came, broke the lotus from the stem, and swallowed it. The bee along with the lotus went into the stomach of the elephant. The bee was thinking, โ€œMy beloved lotus is going somewhere, and I am happily going along with it.โ€ It died shortly thereafter.

In the same way, we humans too remain engrossed in the gratification of the senses, and do not pay heed to the messages of the saints and sages. We can see old age coming as a sure sign of death, but like the bee, we remain engrossed in enjoying worldly pleasures.

Material desires are like an itching eczema, and the more we indulge in them, the worse they become. How can we be truly happy in this state of material indulgence? 

A person who has not learnt to discipline the mind and senses can neither meditate upon God nor experience his divine bliss. Without the higher taste, it becomes impossible to renounce the lower taste, and such a person keeps hankering for material happiness, like the bee finds it impossible to renounce the nectar of the flower. 

Copyright ยฉ

You may like to read my earlier posts :

Life is a Cocktail

Life is a Reality Show

 

Naseem is no more ๐Ÿ˜Œ

Yes, Naseem is no more. She was young and beautiful and she breathed her last early morning today ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ™

I had met her more than 20 years back and loved her on first sight. Sweet little girl with a beautiful smile ๐Ÿ˜ Her mother used to give rides to children on a small merry go round, near the park where I used to go for my walks in Mumbai. That was in late 90s. During my talks with her I realised that she was from a decent family but her husband had to leave his work after a heart attack. She had to start some work to feed the family. One day Naseem had come to meet her and I met her that day for the first time. At that time she must have been around 12-13. Such a sweet girl. Loved her.

I started to take more interest in their lives and helped the girls to go through beautician courses. Fatima, the eldest sister, and Naseem became good at this but other sisters eventually did other work. In India, the not so educated Muslim families donโ€™t worry so much about their daughters education. Their brother finished his graduation and got a good job. Sisters too were working. With God’s Grace I was able to help the father start a tailoring shop. And all was going well once again for them.
Their life story of past 20-25 years so vividly confirms my post: Cyclicity of Life Good times, bad times, good times and very bad times๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ™
We came from entirely different backgrounds, social status and religion. And yet there was so much love. Interestingly all the children, as well as the parents call me uncle๐Ÿ˜Š. There are no barriers, no hurdles, no distances, no cast, colour or creed in Friendship; in Love.
Two years back I had gone to Mumbai, when I had heard about Naseem’s sickness, and had taken her to my doctor. Doctor confirmed that the treatment Naseem was undergoing was right. I was relieved but knew that there was only one cure for her disease – prayer ๐Ÿ™ Last month I had gone to meet her. Father too is not so well again. Last week Naseem had to be admitted in the hospital. And I was intending to visit her later this week (Am tied up with some organisational work till tomorrow)
But such is life. We know so little!!
In a way I am relieved. Naseemโ€™s suffering is over. She is in very kind and loving Hands now. May God give her family strength and wisdom to deal with her absence. I loved all the children but I was always more fond of Naseem. Have been praying for her during every morning and evening meditation for months.
You will read this and pray for her and get on with your next post and life and forget Naseem. I too will do the same, but may take a little longer. Her family will take longer than me ๐Ÿ˜Œ

All of us will forget Naseem. All of us will stop thinking about death. Sad or happy we will continue with our lives.

Was there any meaning to Naseem’s life? Is there any meaning to any of our lives?
Why are you so worried about your job? Your holiday? The grades of your child? Your result? The new car? YOU ARE ALIVE AND NASEEM IS DEAD!! WHY AREN’T YOU GRATEFUL?
It is so amazing that I have been meaning to write about death and life for the past few days. On Thursday I had gone to attend a Spiritual discourse and heard a recording of Dada Vaswani on death. He was the Spiritual Head of the Sindhi community in India and was revered all over the world as a saintly person. I had the pleasure and the privilege of meeting him 3 years back – the only saint I have ever met – a picture of humility and love. That was on Thursday.
On Friday I was to lead the meditation at our center and the reading I chose, incidentally, was Paramahansa Yogananda talking about death!!

During the last month I had written about Life :

All the three are my truths and my experiences of life. And I would like to conclude the topic with today’s post … not that one can ever stop talking about life ๐Ÿ˜‡

DEATH IS LIFE ….

Most of us live, as if we shall never die. Most of us die as if we never lived.

Life is absolutely UNCERTAIN. We have no clue what tomorrow may bring. But one thing is absolutely CERTAIN :
WITH EVERY PASSING DAY OUR DEATH IS COMING NEARER!!
Dada Vaswani explained it beautifully. He asked us to meditate on death. And to do it often. And we will realise that it is an illusion. Like I had mentioned in my posts that life is the grandest illusion; so is death. But we are scared of it and we don’t want to think about it. And we don’t want to talk about it. But believe me my dear friend that once you make friends with death you will never be afraid of it. And the quality of your life will grow manifold.
Dada Vaswani gave some practical tips to strengthen our friendship with death :

  1. Establish personal relationship with a god, God or a godly person. A person who is filled with love and devotion. For me it is my Guru, Paramahansa Yogananda, for you it may Krishna, Christ, Buddha, Prophet Mohammad, Mahavira, Zarathushtra….
  2. Rejoice in everything that comes to you. Everything comes from Him.
  3. Be a blessing to others.
  4. The god you worship or the godly person you revere shall be there to receive you when you cross over. He will greet you with love and with a smile and shall ask you just one question: What did you do with your life my child?
  5. Get detached from everything. Use things but don’t get too attached with them. Love people but don’t get too attached with them too. It is these attachments that come in your life as ghosts. They never leave you.
  6. Reduce your desires. Make your life simple.

Dada said Death is simply a Bridge : between the physical and the astral world.

Paramahansa Yogananda says something very similar : he says that our body passes from the dream of physical to the dream astral world. And saint and sinner alike spend some time in the astral world, depending on their karma. And after spending sometime there our unfulfilled desires and strong attachments again force us to come back to the physical plane.

The point my dear friend is : whether you believe in reincarnation or not; whether your belief or your religion is against it or pro; you are going to die and so am I. Death remains the only certainty in this uncertain world. SO :

PLEASE DO NOT WAIT FOR TOMORROW TO LIVE THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS.

DO NOT WAIT TILL TOMORROW TO SAY A KIND WORD OR DO A KIND DEED.

Today is the only day that was promised to you.

PLEASE DO NOT WASTE IT : whining, crying, lamenting, blaming, defending, justifying….

SPEND IT : Loving, caring, being happy and spreading happiness and cheer. And when the call comes you will be amply ready…for

HE IS KIND BEYOND COMPARE.

Aum Peace Amen Ameen ๐Ÿ™

Time heals nothing ….

It doesn’t….Time heals nothing…..It just teaches us how to deal with our pain.

Today would have been our 44th wedding anniversary…. that wasn’t to be. But I am thankful to God for the 36 years we were together. Whichever dimension Anita is in now, I am sure she is spreading her love and happiness. And that she is proud of me that I am doing the same. She taught me well.

Anita was not only beautiful and loving she was very talented. In fact she is the most talented person I ever met. She was a master in music (instrumental), she sang, she painted, she wrote, she had green fingers, she knew pottery and she was an actor…. plus plus …Whatever she started she became good at it. I am sure if she had started to blog she would have been very popular. Any body who met her even once didn’t forget her.

She used to teach painting and music in Delhi and used to have her own classes. We moved to Pune in 1993 for my job and she had to stop those classes. In Pune she learned pottery. And then my job took me to Mumbai and she started to act. She made more than 80 commercials and about 30 serials on TV in 6-7 years. And then she started to act in movies. Did 6-7 and then she fell sick. She was ready to leave all her work and look after my parents at Chandigarh, in North India. But that wasn’t to be. Who knows they are together in some other dimension now. And I remember them with all my love. Am blessed that I had parents like mine and a wife like Anita. And God willing we shall be together again at some other time, in some other dimension…

She had said to me once : Ashok when we grow old we aren’t going to fight, we are going to live like good friends and grow old gracefully ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿค— Who knows what would have our fate been if she was still around. So very often I think that the love that I feel in my heart for all, is her gift to me. She, like my mom, was just love.

Mother in Laws ๐Ÿ˜Ž

We have no clue about birth and death. From where do we come and where do we go. Why do we come and why do we go? Who knows !! But I do believe life is much bigger and more complex than we see on our small piece of rock.

But we are here. And let us do our best to make our lives worthy. Let us be happy and grateful. Let us be giving and caring. Let us be kind.

…..pain is a given … in this world of duality. No one can escape it. But we can help each other to lessen the pain…to make it bearable.

Pain is a given, yes. But suffering is our own creation. Many of us make our pains our suffering by the quality of the thoughts we bring to our pain.

I think being on the spiritual path helped us both. Otherwise the 5-6 years of the pain she went through and the 8 years since she passed on, would have been much more difficult to go through. Being spiritual, being godly doesn’t mean that we will be spared our pain; but it does help us to rise above the pain and the suffering. We start to look at life from a different perspective. We start to know the ephemeral nature of life and start to live more deeply. We become more mindful.

And slowly we start to understand Time. We start to live in the Now. This moment, the Now….the only reality. Past and future are mere mind constructs. Both aren’t real.

All our regrets come from living in the past and all our worries come from thinking about the future. Both aren’t real. But they make our present, the only reality, miserable.

Those weren’t easy years. Specially the last – 2011 (her disease was diagnosed in 2006) A bit of me died every day. Every day I left for work and kissed her bye …I knew one day it would be the last. And when I returned home in the evening it was even tougher. I didn’t know how she would be feeling and looking and didn’t want my face to betray my emotions and reactions. So I would brace myself before opening the door; bring a smile on my face and pray and then step in…

I can think of hundreds of things I could have done better for her and with her. But making myself miserable and unhappy thinking about the past and what could have been, neither helps me nor her. It would just make me miserable and I will make everyone around me the same.

But with His grace

I chose life

I chose love

I chose happiness

I chose giving

I chose caring

Thank God, my friend,

You are alive,

You can read and write;

Walk and talk.

Get up and get going.

Spread your cheer.

Let you light shine.

Tell people you love them.

Go and hug them.

This day is yours,

Live it.

Death is very real and

Life so fragile ….

…….TIME CONSUMES ALL

1984 at friends sonโ€™s birthday party

MGM Grand, Reno 1983 our first trip abroad

My favourite – on my parents 50th wedding anniversary in 1987. She was 31 and remained 31 for the next 25 years๐Ÿ˜

Ooty 2006

Cape Town – she had gone for a commercial shoot.

Doing her last painting Munnar 2006

From a TV serial

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